Divorce and threat from my Husband

Hi! I am very sorry that you are going through this. What you describe is domestic violence, and in Germany there are clear laws and protections for you and your baby. You are not alone, and you do have rights, even if your husband has a job, income, and more knowledge of the system.

I am not a lawyer, but I can explain the general process and where you can get immediate, professional support for free.

In Germany, there are different aid institutes available for women who have experienced physical, psychological or sexual violence, including counselling centres or women's shelters. A women's shelter is a safe house where women affected by violence can take refuge. They can live there until their situation is clarified. The addresses are confidential, which means nobody can find you there. The staff there will definitely help you find a way.Look for the nearest shelter here Frauen, Gleichstellung und Gewaltprävention -  https://www.stmas.bayern.de/gewaltschutz/beratung/index.php and Frauenhilfe München https://www.frauenhilfe-muenchen.de/ 

At www.frauen-gegen-gewalt.de and frauenhauskoordinierung.de you can seek counselling in your language nearby or search for women’s shelters in your area.

There is also a Helpline for women suffering violence that you can call anytime: At the number 08000 116 016, multilingual staff are available round the clock. You can learn more about domestic abuse and how to break free in the platform here chapter Domestic Violence and Women's Rights

If your husband is sending threatening messages, save everything:

• Screenshots
• Voice messages
• WhatsApp / SMS logs
• Any signs of financial or emotional abuse

Threats, intimidation, and financial control are forms of violence. These copies will help you in case you decide to go to the police or start a legal process against him. Discuss it with the lawyer is also a good thing to do, to secure yourself. 

You are not weak. You are protecting yourself and your child.

Stay safe, hope this information helps.

Anna, volunteer

I would sincerely recommend that you first consider visiting a well-established German family counselling centre, such as ProFamilia or Caritas. These organisations are respected across Germany for helping parents understand their situation in a neutral, structured, and supportive way. They may also invite your partner for joint counselling, although attendance cannot be forced. While counselling cannot guarantee that a relationship will be restored, it does provide a fair and constructive opportunity to rebuild trust and communication.

The most important point to remember is that children suffer the most in parental conflicts. The legal process—whether in Germany or any other country—is emotionally draining, financially stressful, and extremely difficult for children to understand. That is why these situations require patience, maturity, and thoughtful decision-making.

If there is even a small possibility to repair the relationship—not for yourself but for your children—it is worth considering. Every child deserves the love and presence of both parents. Every family faces challenges, but allowing conflicts to escalate beyond control can cause deep harm. At the same time, there are situations where reconciliation is not possible or not safe, and those cases require different approaches.

Whenever possible, resolving issues amicably is far more beneficial than entering into long legal battles. Open, honest, and respectful communication can help rebuild trust. Counselling centres create a safe environment where both parties can express themselves without fear and with professional guidance.

If, after all efforts, the problems remain unresolved, legal steps may become necessary. However, it is important to understand that the legal process can be long, emotionally exhausting, and financially burdensome. Laws exist to protect individuals—particularly women and children—but it is equally important that these laws are not misused or exploited. Sadly, there are cases where both EU and non-EU individuals misuse marriage for financial or residency benefits, causing emotional and financial harm to the other partner. This is why legal systems must protect genuine victims and ensure fairness.

I would always prefer to see families heal and children grow up with both parents, rather than witnessing parents in court for years. Life is short, and rebuilding a family is always more meaningful than destroying one.

Important Truths Based on Experience

When protection or threat-based laws are invoked, authorities sometimes do not have the chance to thoroughly verify whether a real threat exists or whether the situation has been exaggerated. There are many examples where families have suffered deeply because measures were taken without examining all the facts.

Families are the foundation of a child’s emotional security, future, and social development. Decisions made under the label of “the child’s best interest” must also consider the long-term psychological impact—especially when one parent is portrayed as dangerous without clear or proven evidence. Both women and men can become victims of false accusations or misinterpretations.

My concern is that in these situations, the true impact on the child and the entire family structure is sometimes overlooked, which can create unnecessary separation, emotional trauma, and lasting damage.

In Germany, with a minimal legal contribution of around 15 EUR, multiple legal actions can be initiated, and unfortunately some legal representatives may focus on procedural steps that trigger state-funded compensation rather than prioritising the child’s best interests. This often results in prolonged cases, unnecessary stress, and emotional suffering for both families.

Conflicts can change how people view each other. Behaviours that once felt harmless or even loving may suddenly be interpreted as negative. Two people who once cared deeply for each other can quickly become adversaries.

**My Personal Reflection**

I share this because I am a victim of such a situation. I have been separated from my own biological daughter and have been fighting a custody case for nearly two years. The emotional pain of being kept away from my child is something I would never wish upon any parent. From two year I have been alleged for own bio-logical daughter kidnapping. I lost my job ,health, and most important by daughter childhood days that every father deeam of! Finally, I returned back to my home country.

I am sharing this with you not to frighten you, but to help you make a wise, informed, and balanced decision—one that protects your child’s future, your mental health, and your family’s long-term well-being. For immigrant family it's vey challenging.